So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
