Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
