I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
