Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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