So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
