Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
