I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
