true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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