if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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