Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
