so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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