I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
