somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
