i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
