I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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