It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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