I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
