Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
