I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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