I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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