can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
