Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
