One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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