I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
