God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
