Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
