Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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