Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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