but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
