Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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