P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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