I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
