I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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