Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
