Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
