I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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