Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
