Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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