It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
