I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm at about main and main street
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
