Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
