He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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