I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
