You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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