how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
