never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Still dying that you shit outside
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
