I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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