I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
