Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
