We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
