Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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