I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
