To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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