I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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