I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
