my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
