honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
