Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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