My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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