I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
